


Worthy of This

by ThatOneGreyGhost



Series: Recovery Files 001: Avengers [5]
Category: MCU, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes can wield Mjolnir, I know I don't always make him a focal point but I swear I do love him, IronDad and SpiderSon, Like, M/M, Recovery! Bucky, Sam the therapist, So can Peter, Soft! Bucky, Steve helping with Bucky's recovery, Thor being a big brain, i love these characters, sam being amazing, so much, worthy of Mjolnir
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:27:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28423935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatOneGreyGhost/pseuds/ThatOneGreyGhost
Summary: Bucky still can't make himself believe he deserves all the effort the team puts into him. That starts to change when he accidently lifts Mjolnir
Relationships: Stucky(?)
Series: Recovery Files 001: Avengers [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2064849
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47





	Worthy of This

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm inspired, so have this, and always, drop me prompts! These inspiration streaks don't last!

_I don't know if I'm worth all this, Steve _.__

__Bucky felt his eyes flutter open, sitting up and gazing at the moonlit room. Steve was fast asleep next to him, on his stomach and drooling onto his pillow like the dork he was. Bucky thought about waking him up, but then decided against it, instead getting up and wandering around the common room. The moonlit room was eerie, and as Bucky wandered over to the couch, he banged his shin on that stupid hammer, so he picked it up and moved it to the coffee table, still not entirely awake._ _

__Exactly 26 seconds pass before he realizes he shouldn't have been able to do that. He whirls, staring at Mjolnir resting on the coffee table where he placed it._ _

__"What the fuck?" Bucky hisses, taking a few quick steps back and hits his legs against the couch. "What the fuck?"_ _

__Bucky has a minor freak out, then slowly wraps his hands around the hammer, pulling it up. And it comes up off the table just as easily as it did the first time, and Bucky damn near drops the stupid thing._ _

__"What the fuck?" He whispers again, slowly putting the hammer down. "No, this has to be some kind of mistake. I've killed people, tortured them. I tried to kill my best friend!"_ _

__Bucky tries to pick up the hammer again, watches in shock as it comes up off the table just as smoothly as the first two times he picked it up. He can't fathom how he's worthy of such unimaginable power, but he guesses whatever spell is on the stupid thing must be fucking broken, because there's no way he's worthy of this._ _

__"Must be broken." Bucky murmurs, putting the hammer back down and stumbling back to his room. He pauses once to look at the hammer, glowing in the moonlight, before turning away, shaking his head._ _

__He doesn't see Thor, smiling in the dark as he wobbles off to bed._ _

__~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ _

__"OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODMRSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!" Peter rushes into the room, nearly hitting himself in the face with... was that Thor's stupid hammer? Bucky scowls as Peter puts it on the table, bouncing excitedly. "I can lift it!"_ _

__"Sure, Peter. I'm not falling for that again." Tony rolls his eyes and gets up to grab more coffee._ _

__"No, it's the real one! Really!"_ _

__"Sure kid." Tony smiles as he reaches down and tries to pick up the hammer, which doesn't budge. "Uh...."_ _

__"I told you." Peter is gloating, but Bucky figures he's earned the right. Bucky eyes the hammer, wondering if he imagined that night where he... Naw, he had to have dreamt it. Unless..._ _

__Bucky grabs the hammer when no one's looking, eyes widening as it pulls up as easily as he remembers, quickly replacing it. No, he can't be worthy, he's a monster, a murderer._ _

__"Hey, Thor?" Bucky feels the question slip out of his mouth before he can stop himself. "What determines if you're worthy?"_ _

__"Your character. The old magik looks at who you are and determines if you are worthy of such power." Thor smiles, then turns to fully give his attention to Bucky. "Mjolnir is an excellent judge of character, no?"_ _

__"Yeah, I wouldn't know about that..." Bucky nervously rubs the back of his neck._ _

__"Hey, actually, robo-cop, you've never tried to lift this, have you?" Tony gestures at Mjolnir, and Bucky starts to blush. "Go on, try"._ _

__"Don't listen to him, Buck, he's just sore cuz he can't lift it!" Steve calls from the kitchen, which earns him a ghost of a laugh from Bucky and the world's most offended look from Tony. Bucky does actually take up the hammer in his left arm, but when he goes to lift, it doesn't move. Bucky frowns; had the stupid thing finally figured out it was making a mistake? And if so, why was he disappointed?_ _

__"I would suggest using your natural arm, Sergeant Barnes." Thor says with a ghost of a smile. "It may not consider your metal arm as part of you"._ _

__"Oh." Bucky says, trying again with his right hand, eyes widening as he struggles to pretend he can't move it. But it feels so light that its really hard, and he has to fall over in the most dramatic way possible to keep up the lie._ _

__"Ha! See, I'm not the only one!" Tony laughs, but he doesn't see the panicked look that Bucky gives Thor, or the discreet nod that Thor gives Bucky back._ _

__It makes Bucky wonder if maybe he's not so bad after all._ _

__~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ _

__Bucky has been having a bad day, and to top it off, that stupid hammer is sitting on top of his book. Because of course, Thor had to break etiquette and leave the stupid thing wherever. Bucky looks around, hoping no one will see him fail miserably, then picks up the hammer._ _

__No matter how many times he does it, it still shocks him when the hammer moves, when it comes up from whatever surface its resting on. He always gapes at it, because he still can't believe he's worthy of power like this. He knows Parker is, that kid is sunshine personified, but he still can't believe is._ _

__He puts it back on the table where his book was two seconds ago, lounging on the couch and reading his book. Every few seconds, he looks over at the hammer, thinking about what he and Sam went over in therapy that day._ _

__"Try to accept that what you did wasn't your fault. You weren't responsible, and while I expect you to feel some guilt, I don't expect you to hold it over your head. Practice admitting you weren't at fault, dropping some of the responsibility you feel." Sam had said, and Bucky had nodded along, not really listening._ _

__He picks up the hammer again, a smile spreading slowly as he begins to consider that maybe it wasn't his fault, maybe he really is worthy._ _

__"It wasn't my fault." Bucky whispers, waiting for the hammer to change its mind, his grin growing wider with every passing second that the hammer doesn't drop to the floor. The hammer is magic, after all, and if it thinks he's ok, well why shouldn't he? It does have a reputation for being picky._ _

__Bucky eventually puts it back, but he's left smiling for the rest of the day, and even if he can't explain why he suddenly seems to be doing better, he knows he's going to be ok._ _

__~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ _

__It was a particularly bad nightmare, one of the ones that leaves him gasping for air and covered in a thin layer of sweat. Bucky closes his eyes as he tries to steady his breathing, but he knows he's not getting back to sleep, so he wanders into the common room, bumping his shin on Mjolnir again._ _

__"Jesus, does Thor have no respect for this thing?" Bucky looks around, then picks up the hammer, smiling as it lifts off the floor and into his hand. He looks at his left arm, the new one that Tony made him, then transfers the hammer, expecting to be pulled to the floor._ _

__The hammer stays up. Bucky feels his grin get wider, then he sets the hammer down on the coffee table, gazing out the window at the snow that's falling._ _

__"I guess I'm not so horrible." Bucky whispers, just like every time he lifts Mjolnir, as a reminder that the spell does not make mistakes. He's worthy of unfathomable power, so he must also be worthy of love and happiness, right?_ _

__"Buck?" Steve's voice lofts from somewhere behind him, and as he turns, he catches sight of the blond's messy hair and sleepy face. "You ok?"_ _

__"Yeah. I am now." Bucky turns back to the snowfall, watching little white flakes drift down in front of him. "I had a nightmare. I'm feeling a little better now"._ _

__"Oh." Steve comes up behind him, wrapping his arms around Bucky's torso, placing his right hand over Bucky's heart and his left around Bucky's waist. Bucky grips Steve's hand, leaning his head back to listen to Steve's heartbeat. They watch the snow for a while, two Brooklyn boys displaced._ _

__"Come back to bed." Steve whispers after a little bit. Bucky nods, letting himself be carried. He chuckles as Steve lays eyes on Mjolnir. "Thor needs to stop leaving his shit everywhere. At least it's not on the floor this time"._ _

__"I can lift it." The words slip out of Bucky's mouth before he can register what he said. "I mean..."_ _

__"You can lift it?" Steve asks, but he doesn't sound shocked._ _

__"Mhm"._ _

__Steve kisses his forehead lightly, smiling in the moonlight._ _

__"So can I"._ _

__Bucky feels a lot better about Mjolnir choosing him after that, because Steve is one of the best people he knows, and it absolutely can't be a mistake if Steve can lift it._ _

__~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ _

__"Thor, why the hell do you keep leaving your shit everywhere!" Tony yells, having tripped over the hammer when he got out of the elevator. "I just got up here and your stupid hammer almost fucking killed me!"_ _

__Tony fails to notice Bucky slipping out of the room with tears in his eyes, having just had a breakdown. He really needs a reminder that he's not absolute shit, and if the hammer still works..._ _

__"It simply helps where I cannot." Thor replies, and Bucky feels color rise in his cheeks, a smile fluttering across his lips briefly as he grips the hammer, expecting it to stay grounded._ _

__The hammer rises as he pulls it up, and the smile returns as he stifles a sob. He's still worthy; he didn't know how much he needed to be reminded of that until he pulled Mjolnir from its resting spot. He stifles another sob, a mixture of euphoria and immense sadness coursing through him. He's still worthy, and he can't explain how._ _

__"Buck?" Steve says quietly, and Bucky looks up to where Steve is standing with Sam, who has the most ridiculous look on his face. Bucky smiles ruefully, setting the hammer down._ _

__"It's just been one of those days." Bucky says sadly, the smile slowly dissolving with his tears. Steve opens his arms, and Bucky stumbles over, falling into his friend's embrace, sobbing quietly. Steve holds him, stroking his hair._ _

__"I gotcha, Buck. It's ok, I got you." Steve says in barely a whisper. Bucky nods, letting himself be held._ _

__"I just had to make sure- I don't know- I just-" Bucky gives up in favor of burying his face in Steve's chest, tears burning in his eyes._ _

__"You're ok, Buck. I got you, I'm right here"._ _

__Bucky nods, oblivious to the fact that Sam has slipped off to parts unknown. It's not until Tony asks him about his ability to lift the hammer later that day that he even thinks about it._ _

__"Can you or not?" Tony tries to be harsh, but Bucky can see how he's practically begging to know._ _

__"I don't see how that's any of your business." Bucky responds curtly, earning him a smug look._ _

__"I knew Sam was full of it!" Tony hisses._ _

__If only he knew how wrong he was._ _

__~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ _

__It's been about three months since Bucky last had to lift Mjolnir, and he's been feeling much more stable. He's watching Thor and Peter train, with Steve randomly hijacking and stealing Mjolnir cuz he's a little shit. Bucky's laughing at Steve's latest attempt when one of Peter's shots goes wild, and the hammer comes flying right at his face._ _

__"Whoa!" Bucky shouts, throwing his arm in front of his face, attempting to grip the front of the hammer like an idiot, but it actually does stop, and as he puts his hands down, he realizes that the hammer is letting him hold it. "Huh"._ _

__"Uhhhhhhhhhhh..." Tony says, staring at Bucky as he flips the hammer over and hands it back to Peter, who just ran up._ _

__"Here ya go, kid." Bucky says with a smile, laughing at Peter's stunned expression and questioning eyes. "Yeah, I can lift it. Have been able to for about a year at this point"._ _

__"You what." Sam says, staring at Mjolnir. "I thought this was a new thing"._ _

__"Nope. Had a nightmare one night and banged my shin on it, put it back on the table before I was fully awake." Bucky smiles at the memory, proud of how far he's come since that point; he's been getting better, and he's so proud of the progress he's made, but he can't deny that lifting Mjolnir helped quite a lot. "Helped a lot with my self-esteem, because once I figured out I was worthy of that, it was hard to make myself believe I was a bad person"._ _

__"Wait, so you've been doing this for how long?" Tony pinches the bridge of his nose._ _

__"About a year. Why, you jealous?"_ _

__"Yes. How come you can and I can't?"_ _

__"Cuz you're a dick." Bucky snorts a laugh at Tony's expression._ _

__"Buck, be nice to him." Steve comes up and hugs him from behind, and Bucky's confronted with more of his personal growth; a year ago, that would have made him tense up out of habit. Now, he's perfectly comfortable with it, and he no longer thinks in terms of weapons and escape._ _

__"Steve! He can lift it!" Tony whines, pointing at Bucky. Steve just chuckles, sitting next to Bucky and handing him an iced tea. Bucky takes it, grateful._ _

__"He finally figured it out, huh?" Steve smiles at Bucky, who just rolls his eyes dramatically. "What happened?"_ _

__"One of Peter's shots went wild. Nearly hit me." Bucky laughs as Steve chokes on his iced tea. "I'm ok, doll, it just startled me is all"._ _

__"Peter! Did you hit my boyfriend?" Steve roars, and Bucky can't help but laugh when Peter shakes his head, stiffening._ _

__Bucky laughs and smiles throughout that whole day, and as he sits in the sun, contemplating his life, he thinks back on the last year of recovery, and he feels his heart swell with pride. A year ago, this would have seemed like a good dream, and he still would have been believing that he didn't deserve this. Today, he woke up next to his boyfriend, made breakfast for everyone in the Compound, and was laughing as Peter tried stupid tricks with Mjolnir. He wasn't completely better; he still had bad days and nightmares. But he was getting there, and that was really mattered._ _

__"I am worthy of this." He whispers, leaning on Steve as he sips his iced tea. He loves the idea of this being his new normal._ _

__And he can't wait for tomorrow._ _


End file.
